I'm a control freak. Not with everything. Just most things. Especially parties. My to-do lists used to rival a NASA launch checklist, so it makes perfect sense that every holiday party I've hosted over the years required stress-reduction therapy. I would spend hours orchestrating every detail with the goal of making it appear effortless. One January, upon forking over a chunk of cash paying the party tab, I swore my hostess days were over.
But, after attending a Valentine's Day party, surrounded by a crepe-paper heart streamer, red and pink M&Ms, and Hawaiian Punch, I left convinced that God was giving me a sign. But how to host without getting an ulcer? Seven letters that would forever change my life: P-O-T-L-U-C-K.
My only memory of potlucks were overflowing with casseroles and Jell-O. Not exactly cutting-edge. When I announced I would be throwing a holiday bash, my boyfriend reminded me to go easy on myself. I'm still convinced that "helpfulness" was more about him not having to, again, talk me down from the roof of Crate-and- Barrel after realizing they only had 17 crystal holiday glasses and I needed 20 asap! Whatever his motivation, I relented, wrote up my guest list, and asked them each to bring "some sort of dish".
Sixteen bottles of sparkling cider and wine, 7 green bean casseroles, 5 plates of chocolate chip cookies, 1 cheese platter, and a partridge-in- a-pear tree later, I concluded that potlucks were a tool of the devil and that I needed a new boyfriend.
Fortunately, my initial misadventure into this arena didn't end up being my last experience with it. My traditional January therapy (point of fact: more like January to June) helped me realize I had oversimplified the process and ended up not really planning at all! To prove my imaginary critics wrong, I tried again. With a planned menu, I called some friends and pulled off a Fourth of July feast that did not include 13 dozen hot dogs and 9 types of potato salad. I followed that with 2 more holiday potlucks by New Years. Now, years down the line, I'm doubtful that I'll ever host anything else.
What have I learned so far? Well, first of all, that the control freak in me needed some taming. Second, that holiday parties are not punishment for past sins. And third, the key to success is inviting others to help in a well-organized but flexible way. Chances are they are just waiting to be asked and will contribute lots of tremendous ideas.
Try out some of these stress-free twists on an old tradition:
Organizing the Invitations
Have friends who don't bother RSVP'ing but show up anyway? Yeah, me too. Since these are the same people who find the time to Tweet their every trip to Starbucks, I decided to beat these ingrates at their own game. I abandoned the paper chase, potentially saving a forest in the process which is always a plus, and switched to using electronic invites exclusively. I view it as a classic Darwinian endeavor - adapt my behavior to best ensure my survival. Or at least my sanity.
Use an E-vite or Facebook Event to send out invitations. They're free and do all the RSVP work for you. You simply view the list of people you invited and check their response. Your settings features can allow everyone invited to see the RSVP list making it significantly easier for guests to determine how many people they must feed. Great for potlucks!
Google Docs offer handy free web-based shared access potluck meal planners. Set up the document, send your guests the link, and let them sign up for a dish. You stay organized without having to do all the work.
Planning the Meal
As you develop your menu, remember that unless your guest list includes the judges from "Top Chef", more than likely your friends will enjoy simple and familiar dishes that will leave them satisfied and full. Keep these things in mind:
Make it buffet friendly - Create a menu of items that can be easily self-served by your guests. Generally speaking, you should always offer at least two main dishes, including a vegetarian option. If you know your guests will enjoy and participate, plan your menu as a theme.
Be flexible - Once you've decided your menu, be willing to make adjustments when others make suggestions or offer a delicious new take on your dated idea.
Your friends have lives - Careers, spouses, kids, or a constant-yet-disappointing stream of first dates probably occupy most of their time. Make it easy for them to bring something that they can feel good about. If your little sister has only ever been entrusted to bring the bread for all family functions, then leave that one for her - and don't be disappointed when it's not fresh from the oven. If you insist on having something gourmet on the menu, make it yourself.
Arranging Tables and Seating
The most anxiety-inducing aspect of hosting a party has always been the table and seating arrangements. When it's just me, I'm no different than many folks nowadays whose meals emulate a training session for a speed-eating contest. If you've ever hovered over the microwave and yelled at it to cook faster, then I hate to break it to you, but you're one of us.
Hosting a dinner party, however, is different. Your guests should have a place to sit. So how do you make that a reality when you have only one dining table, 6 chairs, 17 holiday glasses but 20 guests? I can tell you the best parties are about the people, not the place setting.
Table Hostesses -Invite 3-5 friends to host a table for the evening and then hand over all responsibilities for its dcor, setup, tableware, and linens to them. Encourage each gal to use her own china - some are just waiting to haul it out! Using nice plastic ware can also be fun and festive. Some hostesses may want to create edible centerpieces for appetizers or desserts. The most important thing to remember is that it's not about you - let each hostess entertain her own way. Remember that they may not have the time or resources to host their own party but are bona fide party mavens. The added bonus - they clean up their table and take it all home when they leave. With all your other guests taking their dishes as well, you won't be stuck scrubbing dirty plates until 2 a.m.!
Create opportunities for conversation - Groups of 4-6 are ideal for maintaining intimacy while encouraging conversation. Make the best of the space you have and don't limit yourself to the traditional dining room table mentality. Consider using a coffee table with low-to-the-ground cushions; the kitchen island with a few barstools; or weather permitting, outdoor seating. Your only limit is your imagination! Just make sure you don't spring any surprises on your table hostesses - let them help plan!
Give your guests a choice - You can assign seating but it's more fun to let folks naturally gravitate to where they are comfortable. And, yes this applies even when you are desperate to set up your newly single friend with that great guy you've talked incessantly about for months - they'll both appreciate it. And when they end up planning their wedding and contemplating playing matchmaker for you at the reception, you'll have an excellent comeback.
Setting Up The Bar
Do you that one friend who touts himself as a beverage connoisseur? The one who interprets your simple request for a glass of wine as an chance to share his not-yet-published dissertation "A modern-day analysis of the grape and its' historical impact on the development of civilization". Or perhaps it's coffee to which this person has developed such a deep and disturbing relationship. Whatever the case, use it to your advantage. Politely, and preferably via email or some other buffered format, ask him if he'd like set up the bar. Provide your bar host with a guideline, especially if you:
have a specific theme in mind
are not serving alcohol
do not have much space
have a limited budget.
Your bar host should contribute toward the cost but not be expected to pay the entire tab. If you're lucky enough to have a friend who does cover all the costs, I would suggest you find a comfy spot to sit the next time he corners you to talk about the "Lost art of the hand ground coffee bean". You owe him.
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