Dinner Party Etiquette: Food Allergies and Picky Eaters

A young woman that works for me showed up the other day and her face was all blotchy. She shared with me that over the weekend, a friend had cooked her dinner but had forgotten that she is allergic to nuts of any kind. The friend had used a nut butter to cook the meal, thus sending my employee to the emergency room. That's a horrible experience that no one should have to go through as a guest in someone's home.

If you like to host social gatherings, it's important to account for people's allergies and food preferences. Likewise, those of us with specific food issues should take care to inform our hosts ahead of time to avoid any awkward moments-or worse, a trip to the hospital! Below are a few tips.

Ask ahead of time if there are any food allergies. Your guests may not be able to ingest wheat/gluten, sugar, alcohol, meat, or dairy products. You should also take your guests' religion into account-for instance, some Jewish people avoid pork or shellfish, while many Muslims eat only halal meat. When I am entertaining, I like to ask my guests, "Is there anything you won't eat, can't eat, or don't eat?" Once I get the go-ahead I can start planning my menu.

Have a variety of foods available. Cousin Barbara is vegan, Uncle Jim can't handle dairy, and your husband is allergic to strawberries. Does that mean you all have to nibble on tofu? No! Just be sure to offer plenty of options that will appeal to everyone. For example, my friend has a wheat/gluten allergy and when you go to her home she always has crackers that are wheat-free as well as a wide selection of other crackers for people to choose from when we are eating the appetizers. And don't simply limit your vegan or vegetarian options to a side dish of corn or green beans. Try to have at least a couple of dishes (such as a pasta or gourmet salad) and appetizers so that your veggie-loving guests won't feel like an afterthought.

Don't take it personally. Even the most adventurous diner can be picky now and then. If you notice a guest avoiding your quiche because they don't like eggs, don't get insulted or berate them for being picky.

Be clear about your food issues. When you RSVP for a dinner party, politely let the host know if you have any allergies or dietary needs. Simply say, "I'd love to come. I'm vegetarian-should I bring a dish?" or "Can't wait. I should mention that I'm allergic to nuts-please let me know if that's a problem!" For instance, I personally don't eat ham. I will eat pork but I just don't care for ham, so I often have to let my hosts know. Also, I have low blood sugar so I am constantly asking my hosts not to prepare anything that has a lot of sugar in it. I know a man who doesn't eat pork for religious reasons and rather than ask his hosts to use separate grills or cutlery for meat, will bring a mini disposable grill of his own to barbeques so that his burgers don't get tainted. Just be sure to let your host know as early as possible!

Be polite. If you don't want to eat a certain food (or can't), don't treat it with disdain or crinkle your nose. It's rude. If you are a vegetarian, there is no need to scoff at the meat dish, and if you hate veggies, there's no reason to act like a two-year-old around the spinach. Just pass the dish on, or say, "No, thank you-I'm saving plenty of room for the potatoes." Don't poke at the food-that's what kids do.

Nothing ruins a good dinner party like a sick guest. Make sure you are serving food that everyone can enjoy. And if you are the guest with the food issue, speak up but be accommodating too. It'll free you up to focus on the great company!


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