How to Ease Tensions at Your Dinner Party

We've all experienced it: tensions around the dinner table at a party, family gathering or celebration.

Nobody wants to invite trouble into their home, but when it comes in the form of recently broken-up friends or fallen-out family that you can't not invite, then you need to look at ways you can diffuse the tension and salvage your party.

Table tensions can kill the mood and ruin the hard work you put into the food, presentation and planning of your dinner party, so here are some tips to ensure all your guests have a good time.

1. Seat the tension-bringers apart

Although the fighting parties would prefer to avoid each other, they could end up seated next to or opposite each other by process of chair elimination. In order to avoid this, you need to prepare a seating plan.

Draw a picture of your table and plan where all your guests will be seated. Place people in positions you think they'd be comfortable, and while you're at it, mix things up by separating people who automatically become cliques and put together those you think will enjoy each other's company.

Make sure you seat the tension-bringers apart, and the best seating plan is to put them on the same side of the table, but a few seats apart. It's all about keeping them out of eyesight. Have you ever noticed that it's much harder to crane your neck to talk to someone on your side rather than on the opposite side of the table? Make it that much harder for them to interact.

Turn the allocated seating into a positive by making the seating card a fun favour, for example a candy with their name on it or an ornament related to the occasion (Christmas, Easter, etc).

2. Set a warm atmosphere

Restaurants do it. Shops do it. Through the subtle influence of music and lighting, you're psychologically encouraged to eat faster or slower, or to linger longer in a shop. You can do the same: use warm lighting and music to set an atmosphere that's welcoming and friendly, and not conducive to ugly displays.

3. Invite extras to diffuse the tension

Tension is like a bad odour. The more contained the space, the more intense the smell.

If you only have a few guests at your dinner party, the tension will seem stronger because the tension-bringers won't easily be able to avoid each other. By inviting extra people to your party, you can diffuse the tension and lighten the mood.

4. Have a quiet word beforehand

If it's appropriate, have a tactful and discreet word with the tension-bringers (separately of course) and appeal to their better nature. They are far more likely to make an effort and show restraint if they know their tension is causing others discomfort too.

Alternatively, ask people you can trust to keep an eye out to diffuse any potential situations.

5. Keep a positive attitude

If you're looking for trouble out of the corner of your eye, you're more likely to cause tension that ease it! Keep a positive attitude to create a light atmosphere, as most guests will look to you for cues.

As the host, you can set the mood, so set a positive one with your manner and attitude.

Ultimately, as the host, your aim is to set an environment in which your guests can feel comfortable and have fun. Using these tips, you can diffuse any potential tension and host a party your guests will love.


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