Hospitality - A Means of Love and Support

Hospitality must begin at home. Those people, young and old, that we share our home with must feel welcome when they are at home. Some who read this statement may be thinking, "how absurd, of course my family is welcome in their own home", but are they really, and more important, do they feel welcome? There can be a very fine line between someone feeling welcome at home, or feeling tolerated.

My passion for hospitality was born out of my own years of struggle as a wife and mom. It was quite easy to welcome guests in for a meal, but it was often difficult to welcome my husband and son because ours was an angry and stress-filled home. There were far too many days when the hurt I was carrying inside caused me to be very resentful when they walked through the door. It breaks my heart to confess this as I sit here writing and remembering, but it is with great joy that I tell you that my family and I worked hard to change this atmosphere and attitude in our home. I will forever be thankful that we did not give up on each other.

I learned that I had a great deal of power in setting the tone in our home. I would like to share some of the things that I did to make things better in our home, but I also need to share that our family sought outside help. So if your home is an angry, stress-filled home, you also may need to seek counsel in order to begin changing things. If not, maybe some of my thoughts and choices may be helpful.

1. One of the most important things I learned was that "feelings follow actions". I started acting loving and welcoming by stopping what I was doing, and giving my attention to my family when they walked through the door after work or school. This was not easy because I had a home-based business, but I did learn to make my family a priority.

2. I stopped greeting my husband with the latest wrong doing perpetrated by our son, or whatever else might have gone wrong in my day. I greeted him with a hug and a kiss, and gave him time to sit and relax and unwind from his day. We then ate dinner and talked. Now that it is just my husband and I, we go for a walk after he gets home from work. This is a wonderful time to share about our day and de-stress.

3. I began preparing favorite meals more often, rather than only for guests, birthdays or holidays. Favorite foods tend to say, "you are special to me and I value you".

4. I stopped nagging. Men and women do this, and it is so destructive to intimacy in relationships. Be very careful of your motive before you speak!

5.I stopped yelling and crying. All people, young and old, hate this behavior and tune out. You have just lost the battle, and the war, when you yell. Have a conversation with family members as you would a friend. In the art of hospitality we sit together and have a respectful conversation, do the same with your family.

6. Treat each other with kindness, gentleness and respect. I was recently in a home where I was not treated in this manner and I could not wait to get out of there. I all but ran out because I was not being heard. The women involved were far more interested in correcting, telling, and making their points, rather than being quiet and listening to me. Do not do this to anyone, including children.

7. Give each other space. Just as in hospitality, if you should have a guest in your kitchen helping with dinner, you will probably have to be patient with the differences in how things are being done. We need to allow for the differences in temperment, social style, age, and experience with our guests. We also need to do the same, to some degree, with our family members. We must always be mindful of treating others with dignity and kindness. Do not have expectations of others that they can not fulfill.

8. Plan fun time together. Relationships die without fun, ease, joy, and the ability to relax together. Life is far too stress-filled and fast-paced for all of us. We must be able to get away from the work of every day in order to celebrate our lives together.

I hope some of my thoughts on hospitality might be helpful in making your home a bit more welcoming and comfortable for all who enter your door. Blessings...

Suzanne Merrill
http://theheartofthehomeblog.blogspot.com a recipe and hospitality blog

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